The Story of a God Girl; What does a 22 year old girl gain from loving Jesus?

For as long as I can remember I have believed in God. I suffered the loss of my Grandad when I was just ten and at that age I was confused as to how he could be here one day then gone the next. My parents wanted to ease the grief and taught me about heaven and that when our loved ones die they go into the sky and be an angel. I remember writing a poem which I read out at his funeral which spoke about the beautiful place my Grandad had gone to and that he had been called by God to be an angel.

Growing up into a teenager and young adult that belief never went away and although I wouldn’t exactly call my younger self a ‘Christian’, I certainly found peace thinking that there was a God who looked after us after we died. What I didn’t understand was just how much I needed him while I was living.

For two years I suffered from depression; an illness which completely took me by surprise and slowly killed every part of my soul until all I wished for was to die. I would often lay in bed, numb and exhausted from crying and cursed God for allowing this to happen to me. God might look after the dead, but he certainly didn’t seem to care that I was suffering while I was alive. Writing this now I can’t help but cry; it was the darkest time of my life and the person I became during that time is completely unrecognisable to the girl I am today.

It was in March 2014 that I decided I could no longer allow this illness to consume me; I had to fight the hardest battle of my life. I didn’t realise at the time but I prayed a lot, begging to whatever ‘God’ might be listening to give me the strength to fight this battle. Over the coming months I noticed improvements; at one point I had ten days where my depression stayed away, giving me chance to breathe and gather strength for the next attack. By June although my depression was still there, I found that I was more in control than it was. It would hit me nearly every day, tempting me back into the darkness I had lived in for two years. But this time, I could fight it away. We would battle for hours before I came out victorious. It sounds stupid to anyone who hasn’t suffered, but it was literally a battle for head space. It was me or depression. And I started to win more and more of the battles. I began to think positive thoughts for the first time in a long time and I told myself that I was going to be okay. I think God heard and decided the time was right to find each other, because a week later a guy who I used to work with got in touch. We were never friends or close but something about him really interested me. We would text like we had been close for years and I did a bit of stalking (we all do it!) and saw he was a Christian.

To cut a long, beautiful story short we fell in love and as we did, I decided to try church and learn more about this God that I had been talking to all my life. I fell in love as soon as the band started to play. Worship wasn’t boring as I had previously thought; it was invigorating and inspiring. I left feeling a love that I had never felt before and a part of my heart and soul began to grow in a way I didn’t realise was possible. It was then I realised God wasn’t only for the dead, he was there for the living too. It was so natural to become a Christian and I was baptised in June this year. God rewarded me by not only finding my human soulmate, but by finally allowing me to truly understand God and love him as he had always loved me.

So what have I gained from being God’s girl and following Jesus? Honestly, I’ve lost more than I have gained. I have lost self-loathing. I have lost depression. I have lost anger, hurt, negativity, stress, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. All the negative things which consumed my life are gone. That’s not to say I’m never sad and I never get stressed; I’m only human after all! But the love I have received since loving him is out of this world. I feel on fire! I am relentless in everything I do because I have God’s love. I would never force my faith on anyone as anyone that does, in my opinion, brings negativity to Christianity as a whole. Which is why all I do is love! I love on EVERYONE! And why? Because that’s what Jesus did and because it is the greatest commandment we have:

Mark 12:28

The Greatest Commandment

One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, “Of all the commandments, which is the most important?”

“The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbour as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”

Now here’s the big question atheists ask, “What happens when you die and God isn’t real?! You will have wasted your life!” Good question! I have never seen or heard God so what if God doesn’t exist? Honestly, I would not regret living my life as a Christian. It has made me a better person. I am more loving, more forgiving and more positive than I was before I followed God. Plus, I know God is there and I never doubt his existence; I am God’s Girl and will be for all eternity. God saved me and I am forever grateful.

In a world full of hatred and anger I choose to love. Religion gets a lot of bad press and I can understand why; so many wars and so much fighting all in the sake of ‘religion’. But I am here to say that that is not what it means to live like Christ. As God’s girl I am free. As God’s girl I am loved and truly known by the creator of all things. And whether you share my beliefs or not, you are loved too. You were created perfectly and God doesn’t want anything from you other than your love. I shine my light and hope that it can ignite a light in others too. We all deserve to shine; it is what we were born to do!

God bless you all and shine your beautiful light

❤